I want to share something with y'all that happened during a session I did this month.
But first let's back up four years.
I will call the woman who booked the 1:1 session, Susan. Susan and her mom came to me for a mediumship reading four years ago.
That reading four years ago was my first time reading for Susan who was quite open to the experience.
Her mom, ehhhh... not so much.
She was the cutest little lady...
..who said 'No' to just about everything I brought through for her from spirit.
There was the occasional "maybe..." Then a frown. Otherwise 'no' was the word of the day.
I pushed through and kept my focus on receiving from spirit. Surprisingly enough the information kept coming. It just wasn't hitting home for mom.
It was one of the most difficult mediumship reading experiences that I've ever had.
When all was said and done she had basically said 'no' to the whole reading...
Then, of course, when it was over I did the 'MRP' - the Mediumship Reading Postmortem.
How I could have done so badly?
Was there something wrong or off with my connection with spirit in this reading?
Why do I bother with this mediumship stuff anyway?
(...It's such a pain in the ass.)
Fast forward with me now to this month.
Susan is scheduled to come to my home office at 1:30 pm.
She arrived. With her mother in tow.
As an aside... before the session, during my preparation I could feel her mother 'coming in'. I actually wondered if her mother had transitioned and would be showing up during the reading in spirit.
No... it meant that her mother was coming with her for a reading in her physical body.
Susan had not disclosed this to me nor asked me if she could bring her mother with her when she booked.
I had a brief moment when I almost put a kibosh on the session. However, I remembered that spirit was in charge here and that mom had probably come for a reason. And hopefully that reason was not just to drive me batty or teach me some kind of (sadistic!) lesson.
As I was beginning my tune in process mom pipes up that she wants to tell me something.
I smiled and asked mom to please remain silent so I could do my thing. I was more professional than that sounds...
I shared my initial impressions with them both, then Susan pipes up and says:
"The reason we're came today is because mom wanted to come. She gave you a hard time when we saw you four years ago. What you don't know is that on the way home in the car that night everything you told her in that reading began to make sense. She realized by the time we got home that it ALL made sense, every last bit of it."
Mom smiled and said " I know I gave you a hard time. I just couldn't remember the details that you said until I had time to think about it all."
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
OK... so why am I sharing this with you?
Because so many of you dear beautiful folks on the mediumship development journey, reached out to me after reading my Psychic Stage Fright article and podcast expressing how much that article 'hit a nerve' as it were. So many of you deeply identified with what I had to say in that one.
Ok back to my story.
Did I let that experience four years ago with mom shake my confidence as a medium?
Did I berate myself for not having 'done better' in that reading?
Did I allow my confidence and trust in my connection to spirit waver?
Should I have?
Because my connection with spirit in that reading was solid.
Mom not being able to take what spirit had to give made no gosh darn difference to the whole gosh darn thing.
And, as it so happens... that was confirmed four years later.
Sometimes we mediums have a difficult moment in a reading or even a difficult entire reading like I did with Susan's mom where we feel like we are hitting our heads against a wall and getting nothing worth a fig from spirit for our client.
Here's the deal.
The 'success' of a mediumship reading does not rest on the medium's shoulders alone.
Let's face it, even the simplest of conversations happening entirely on the earth plane between two living people can be subject to potential misunderstandings.
Frankly, human to human communication is fraught with imperfection.
So why wouldn't we expect that would happen sometimes, maybe even more than sometimes with the spirit world as well?
...and cut our mediumship ass's a break when it does happen.
And allow that it may not be because of something we did or didn't do?
And not beat ourselves up so darn hard and carry it for days and days, etc. etc. etc...
Here's the thing: there are a number of factors that ALL contribute to the potential clarity of a reading.
One of the biggest factors - the one that happened in the reading I did four years ago - is that sometimes a reading simply needs to be processed or unpacked by the client.
After the reading has finished.
Out of the sight line and the presence of the medium who gave the reading.
Without the medium there to hear how well it went. And have it confirmed for her how solid her connection with spirit really was.
Because no one can confirm YOUR connection with spirit. Only you can reflect on that aspect of your mediumship.
Another factor is this: the client comes with her own expectations about what she considers to be valid information. And the communicating spirit has different ideas. You are stuck in the middle. That's how it goes. The sitter is not getting what she thinks she needs or wants to hear from the spirit. So she says 'no'.
People are funny. Many don't really even get what it is we mediums do. Even when they are coming to see us. Why would they? They're not mediums.
They come with all sorts of ideas, expectations, biases, beliefs, blocks and opinions.
You give them what spirit gives you. They don't recognize or understand the information. They say no, no, no then go away and think about it. Then go "Oh right I remember. That makes perfect sense now!"
But they don't always pick up the phone or email you to let YOU know.
I have had readings that didn't make much sense to me at all while they were happening. And then... OMG... it all falls into place three days later.
And I am guilty of not letting the medium know this fact.
Though I have to admit that I once did do what mom did to me to a medium who brought through a spirit I could make absolutely no sense during the reading.
I had a chance to think about it afterwards and, bam... I knew exactly who that spirit was.
I saw that medium again two years later and told her then that I knew after the reading who that spirit was.
(I have to tell you that, during the reading she was darn feisty and wouldn't take no for an answer. She had complete confidence in her connection with spirit.)
So there you go.
What's my point here?
Do your readings. Then let them go.
Nix the postmortems.
The messages from spirit are not yours to postmortem anyway. They are spirit's to give to their friends and loved ones. Through you.
Work always to strengthen your connection with spirit. Do your good work as a medium for others. Then move on.
Maybe, just maybe you'll find out how well a reading you thought "you" bombed went four years later.
And maybe you won't.
I suppose it could be said that there are as many ways to do mediumship as there are mediums doing mediumship.
However, there are several things that each mediumship reading, whether it is a one to one reading with a client or a platform or group demonstration, should include for there to be a sense of completion about the whole darn thing.
I'll talk about what those things are shortly.
First I want to talk about, what many discover along their mediumship development journey, as primarily two 'styles' or approaches to mediumship, commonly referred to as the British style and the American style.
Now to be clear when I am speaking about mediumship I am talking about the kind of mediumship that has the medium connecting with the spirit(s) of a friend, loved one, acquaintance or ancestor that is known (and sometimes not known) or in some way connected to the person who is getting the reading.
This could be long lost Uncle Billy, a childhood best friend, mom, a great great grandfather or the neighbor down the street - in the spirit world. There is some sort of connection that has happened either personally, arm's length or ancestrally.
I am not talking here about receiving messages from spirit guides, fairies, angels, aliens, etc.
I'm talking about straight up old fashioned, "nothing needs to be changed about it to make it mod, hip or cool" mediumship. Just so's we're clear on that one.
Back to the two primary styles...
British style of mediumship:
The British style of mediumship is evidentially based - which is to say that it hinges on receiving evidence, usually quiet detailed, from the spirit for identification purposes.
Some British mediumship teachers consider the delivery of evidence itself to be 'the message'. The focus of the British style is proving, through evidential details, the survival of the human personality beyond the physical transition known as death. British mediums will often consider anything else that comes through - other than evidential details - a bonus. They tend to keep the focus on the evidential details.
There is nothing quite like watching a really good British medium do a platform demonstration. British mediums take their time for the most part meandering from piece of evidence to piece of evidence painting a picture, as it were of the spirit, and,in a way, almost painting them back to life.
It will often take a British or British trained medium upwards of 30 minutes to do platform demonstration.
American Style of mediumship:
You never quite know what you're going to get with American style mediums. If they are British trained then their focus will include evidential information. If they are not then... you get what you get.
The pace of American style mediumship, especially during a public demonstration of mediumship, is often faster paced than the more meandering British style. Think Theresa Caputo, for example.
A pitfall of the American style is that the medium will sometimes - or always depending on the medium - deliver information from spirit guides or fairies or angels or something other than a loved one or friend (see above for my clarification) and consider that to be mediumship.
Again, generally speaking and depending on how and by whom the medium has been trained, the American style can be more haphazard than the British style.
Ok so having said all of that let's get back to talking about the things that make a well rounded and complete mediumship reading and the question of whether a message is necessary or not.
A well rounded mediumship reading includes:
Here is an article that goes into detail on all of the above.
I have sat through many a mediumship demonstration and a number of mediumship readings where the medium has brought through basic identifiers and evidence, then the medium gets stuck in a loop of sorts and keeps bringing through identifiers and more evidence. Then he / she ends things there.
Consider this perhaps silly but hopefully fun analogy of the above:
To get a message to your loved one you have to go through an operator - a medium as it were - rather than speak directly to that person.
The operator asks you to give her some basic information to describe who you are to your friend so you do.
"I'm a woman, 5'6" tall, 48 years old, with brown hair"
She passes that on to your friend. To better identify you she asks for more detail.
"I have three children. I'm crazy about pepperoni pizza and amusement parks are my favorite play time destination. I was born in Somerset, England. I have an elderly Irish Setter named Charlie.
She passes that onto your friend. She then asks for a little more detail to seal the identification deal.
"My friend and I traveled to Papua New Guinnea together in 1971. It was during the school summer break. I met the boyfriend who was to become my husband on that trip. Our husbands are best friends.
She passes that on to your friend and bingo, there is no doubt in your friend's mind who you are.
The operator then ends the communication.
Feels kind of weird doesn't it. You didn't get a chance to actually SAY something to your friend. You were only given the opportunity to identify yourself then... bye bye. It was over.
During a reading, once your sitter knows beyond the shadow of a doubt who are your talking with is it really necessary to deliver a message from the speaker?
The basics identifiers help people validate that you have connected with a spirit that they know.
Evidence helps to strengthen this validation even further.
The message, however, is the GIFT.
It is THE reason friends, loved ones, ancestors, your neighbor down the street and anyone else in spirit who shows up during a mediumship reading has come.
That is why they have come.
In your mediumship readings once you have the basics and the evidence in place always ask the spirit for their message before you end the reading with that spirit.
Because they will always have one.
It may be heartfelt. It might be hilarious. It might be something else altogether.
But is will always be the HEART of the reading.
Consider with me now these three scenarios:
#1: It's Tuesday 9 am. You've got a 1:1 mediumship reading with a client scheduled for 2 pm. You start feeling tired and listless and are strongly considering canceling the reading because of this. You hum and haw. And haw and hum. You end up canceling because, hey... you're not feeling up to it...
#2: You're on your way out the door to a public mediumship demonstration at which you'll be a part of a group of mediums delivering messages from spirit. All of a sudden you get a headache. "Oh dear" you think "Why am I feeling this way? Is spirit trying to tell me something?" You succumb to the headache, stay home, put your feet up and watch re-runs of The Gilmore Girls. Your headache goes away very quickly, thank goodness.
#3: Your mediumship readings are usually just fine however you had a difficult client yesterday and it felt more like pulling teeth than being with spirit. You consider clearing your reading schedule for the rest of the week. Or maybe the whole month...
Has a similar version of any of these situations ever happen to you...?
What's going on here?
Are you being guided by spirit? Your guides?
Or are you experiencing PSF?
PSF is my short form for Psychic Stage Fright.
Every psychic and medium, whether she is new to exploring her abilities or is a seasoned professional who has done thousands of readings during her career experiences PSF in some way, shape or form at some time or another.
And... even though they experience it - some even quite often - many seasoned psychic mediums won't even talk about it. As if it would diminish them or make them look bad to other developing mediums in some way.
So... today, I' going to talk about it.
Because it's something that all of us psychics and mediums need to deal with on our journey and in our work. And the more we know how to identify PSF and understand how and why it comes up the better able we are to deal with it.
PSF is fear that primarily manifests itself in the form of resistance. And it can be a tough one to get a handle on.
Sometimes you'll just know that you're feeling fearful around giving a reading and be able to address that head on.
Other times PSF will be disguised as a kind of resistance that you'll easily be able to rationalize and justify as a feeling or urge or even as possible guidance from spirit that you think you should act on and not do, say, a particular reading or demonstration event or see a certain client.
PSF will often, but not always, manifest on the heels of a particularly difficult reading or mediumship demonstration or after having received a negative or critical comment from a client during or after a reading you've done for them.
It often coincides with actions you are taking such as going out into the world to live in your truth as a psychic medium, deciding to go pro, or even choosing to raise the rates that you charge for your readings. Actions that have you stepping out and forward on your path as a psychic and medium.
It is usually PSF simmering beneath surface actions like canceling readings or not showing up at a mediumship demonstration. PSF can be so unconscious that you don't even realize that you are actually acting out of PSF.
How , then, do you recognize that you might be experiencing PSF?
Here are seven fairly common signs:
1. You feel too tired or busy or disgruntled or unable to help or deal with people and find yourself canceling, rescheduling or avoiding doing readings altogether.
2. You think you are inadequate, not skilled enough or unprepared as a psychic or medium. You think that you need to keep bumping up and improving your abilities before you can go out there and 'perform'. This usually means going to lots and lots of classes and workshops to get better at mediumship but still thinking you are not good enough to sit with clients to do actual readings.
3. You question whether you are even psychic or able to connect with spirit. This usually ramps up just prior to scheduled readings or demonstrations, or just after your readings.
4. You fear things like: not getting anything during a reading; cheating your client because you are charging money; that you'll be wrong with what you see; or even that you're doing something you probably shouldn't be doing altogether by doing psychic or mediumship readings.
5. You avoid soliciting readings or calling back or responding to people who are interested in having a reading with you.
6. You find yourself apologizing for what you are seeing during a reading, holding back what you are getting out of fear of being wrong or facing disapproval from your client, asking your client too many questions and / or asking or for too much feedback or validation during your readings.
7. You find yourself post-reading obsessing about how you did, how you should have done things differently, feeling fearful about doing more readings and / or even thinking you were so incapable that your should give your client her money back.
Having even one of the above signs means that, yes, you are experiencing PSF.
See what I mean when I say that we ALL get PSF???
As with most things in life PSF has a spectrum and the signs described above will be different for each psychic medium ranging from low to high on that spectrum.
PSF is often accompanied by negative thoughts that will morph into excuses and justifications for your actions - or inactions - that seem quite logical and well thought out at the time. You will feel quite justified caving into your PSF even rationalizing it as being guided by spirit or your guides. Or that you really ARE tired, not feeling well, unskilled, not very psychic etc. etc...
How do you get a handle on PSF?
Greet that bugaboo PSF with love and understanding.
Know that it can rear its (ugly) head before, during and even after readings. Just about any time really.
Rather than trying to side step or rationalize it recognize this basic truth: that resistance to your gifts and doing readings and demonstrations is usually cyclical and, well... never ending. You don't really ever get over it. Basically you will always be dealing with it in one form or another or to one degree or another. That's normal, natural and totally OK!
Just like stage fright for a seasoned Broadway actor it's an integral part of what you have chosen to do as a psychic medium.
And know that...
There is only ONE way to deal with it.
Yup. Only ONE way! And that is...
...don't let it stop you! Work through PSF by doing another reading as quickly as you can. Ultimately pushing yourself through the fear and resistance by continuing to move forward is the only way to deal with PSF.
You can fall down into the mud, never get out and continue to find excuses not to do your readings or platform demonstrations or you can recognize the PSF cycle and keep going forward through the fear and resistance.
Ok, Clare - I can hear you saying - sometimes I might actually feel sick and tired or unable to do my best in a reading or for a client. I might not even want to work with a particular client. How do I know the difference between this and PSF?
Yes... every now and then you genuinely will not feel up to doing a reading or demonstration. But this is a rare thing. If you can see, by looking honestly at yourself, a pattern of behavior of canceling readings or feeling fussy about who you work with, or any of the things I have mentioned above, then you are dealing with PSF. No doubt about it in my books.
Oh and... another reason that you may find yourself often not wanting to work with certain clients is likely because you are not communicating clearly who you are and what it is you do and therefore are frequently attracting the wrong type of client for you. I'll leave that there for now for you to reflect on what that might mean for you and will write a future blog post on this topic. :)
Another way to identify your resistance over a rational, well made choice is to consider how you initially felt when you decided to do the appointment or demonstration. Were you feeling good about it overall? Then did you start to drag your feet a day or two or hours before the reading. If so.... PSF. Push through. You'll be glad you did.
Here is the way that I deal with PSF:
I immediately tune into the reading or demonstration request to get my very first impression. If it's a yes I trust that and go with it. And I stay with it. I push through any PSF that may come up prior to the reading or event and just do it. And everything is always fine!
And if things don't go well which is next to never in my experience, then I consider that there is something for me in it that I was meant to experience on my journey. Sometimes you've gotta have some poopy experiences in order to stretch, learn and grow.
The same is true when I tune in to a reading request and sense that this is not the reading, session or client for me. I totally honor that information, pass on that reading and move on. You don't have to accept every reading request that is made of you, either. Centering yourself and using your skills will help you greatly with this decision. Also, as I've already mentioned, being really clear with how you describe your services and not being wishy washy about who you are and what you do will help you a great deal with this, too.
So whether your PSF shows up:
...do yourself, your gifts and your abilities the honor of pushing through.
Make the choice to smile and bear a very natural part of being a psychic medium and continue forward ho! Say to yourself (and the world!) "I may feel afraid, but I'm going to keep going!"
Push past your fear, get more readings under your belt, keep honing your skills and your confidence will grow!
That's your ass kicking for today with lots of love from me...!
F-bomb warning.... (that means I use the word fuck a few times in this post. If offensive to you you might want to stop reading now... thx.)
Clairvoyance... the gift of psychic sight.
We've all got it.
Yes, even you folks over there who think you don't.
Your clairvoyance is the seat of all those images, pictures, shapes, colors, etc. that spirit sends you during your mediumship readings.
News flash: those images come from spirit. Not your imagination. They may happen in your imagination but they are being sent from spirit.
Thinking those images are coming from the imagination is part of why some mediums think they are not clairvoyant. They don't trust these images are coming from spirit so they completely disregard them.
A big no no...
However, it is a pretty common thing for a medium who is clairvoyant to actually fuck up a reading even when she is well aware she is clairvoyant and is actually using her clairvoyance.
How does she fuck things up? By not describing what it is she is seeing.
Clairvoyance, my dear developing mediums is simply this: describing visual information.
That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
If you do anything more (or less!) than this you have stopped using your clairvoyance. Period. Full Stop. You are full on into doing something else altogether.
It goes like this:
You are doing a mediumship reading and you see (with your clairvoyance ) this: the picture of a moose, the color red and a maple leaf.
There is then a pause in the visual flow.
You think "My goodness, what does all this mean..."?
Then you think "I've got it!"
Then you say (with your mouth): "I sense that you or your grandfather in spirit have a connection with Canada or that you might possibly be taking a trip to somewhere in Canada very soon."
(Red, maple leaves and moose - what is more Canadian than that????)
Well there went your opportunity to stay in your clairvoyance and just describe what you were seeing.
Your sitter is like: Oh, ok... (a bit baffled because he has no Canadian connection nor any plan to go there. And... now he starts wondering if he should. )
When... if you had simply described what you were seeing your sitter would now be in tears because he and his grandfather used to collect pictures of moose and actual maple leaves then put them into a red photo album. It was something they loved to do together.
Furthermore, with the way you handled it you may never know, and your sitter won't either, what am amazing job that his grandfather in spirit did conveying that to you through your clairvoyance.
Because, you stepped out of your clairvoyance and, well... fucked it up.
And, no. This is NOT claircognizance at work. More on that in another blog post. For now suffice it to say that claircognizance works differently and this is not an example of how it does. Stay tuned for that one.
So what have we learned here today?
That, clairvoyance is simply receiving then describing, exactly as you saw it, visual information from the spirit world.
Not interpretation of that information.
Not thinking you know what it all means.
Nope. Just describing what you get.
Ass kicked again. With lots of love.
Want more? (of course you do!)
Hi, I'm Clare...
...and I'm a mentor whose passion is helping budding mediums go from feeling weird, worried and overwhelmed to feeling “wow this is so damn cool!”
I write helpful (so I’m told), no holds barred, BS free articles, share guided meditations, coach and lovingly kickass here at claremcnaul.com.
Want to stay on top of my free learning articles and blog posts? Sign up for my email newsletter below and receive my eBook:
A collection of Clare's best meditations for mediumship practice and preparation. All in one low bundle price!
Get yourself safely on the road to mediumship development with Clare's Kickstarter Bundle!
A must for new and developing mediums!
New digital eBook / audio bundle!
Relax, prepare, call back your energy and more! A variety of meditations designed to guide you on your development journey!
Improve your mediumship readings in 6 steps! For those who want to be a kickass medium!